I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention- Hugh Gallagher.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants- Hugh Gallagher.
There is so little to see and so much time to do it- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.-Hugh Gallagher.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.-Hugh Gallagher.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy- Hugh Gallagher.
I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full- Henry Kissinger.
I can cook 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes- Hugh Gallagher.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle- Bob Hope
I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, new to me.
A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
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