I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying: toys not included- Bernard Manning.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it- Richard Lamm.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? “Claustrophobic."
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas- Johnny Carson
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other- Johnny Carson
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