I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then you wonder what to do with it.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.
The four most important words in any marriage: “I’ll do the dishes.”
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
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